cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
