omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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