this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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