What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
