I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
