I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
