I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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