So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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