my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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