AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
