I love black thongs
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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