Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
