You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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