I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
