No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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