Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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