Your face is a jimmy john
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
