I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
They took my balls.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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