Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
