apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
