Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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