I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
