I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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