There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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