there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
