Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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