I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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