its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
