Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
