it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
