Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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