i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
