and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
