I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I supernannyed him into submission
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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