Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
