im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
