We're facebook friends in real life
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
