I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
