Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
