Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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