Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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