I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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