did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
