I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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