I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
