***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
