Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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