Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
