Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
