we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
