I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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