New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
