grandma shit on top of the toilet
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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