Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
