I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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