saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
