we're blogging at a bar
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
do herpes really smell.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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