I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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