Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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