I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
